poem on grief



regret grief and remembrance

how much mama remembers

how much i’ve forgotten

how much rushes back when i pick up mama’s old notebooks

her old handwritten notes on thyroid cancer, diabetes management

her old cookbook, a textbook long i wonder if she ever anticipated them to become family heirlooms and most of those pages are now lost

scattered by a mind scattered by gas

how much i recall at night lying in bed

this must have been how he felt

lying alone in bed departing to it after he saw me glued to my own secondary to a deep depression

secondary to anoxic poisoning secondary to our hemoglobin won’t bind that oxygen secondary to increased intracranial pressure secondary to grief secondary to i don’t recognize you anymore secondary to where is my mom

my mom is right here

she’s always been here

but i remember my mom

where did she go?

grief – the kind that pushed, tormented, me to think beyond myself by accepting that this reality was wholly separated from what i knew before

the sooner i realized we were different people now, the smoother my transition to a new peace would be

and how thankful i am that that peace has arrived

how thankful i am to know that grief seeds within us not only as we move from this life to the next but will present and seed itself through moments in this life as well; through any loss of an old self

grief for old ambitions, the kind my mom knew intimately, the kind my mom nurtured in me

who am i if not a nurtured human?

she is here still

Published by Hina Iqbal

I am a student studying medicine who enjoys sharing thoughts and reflections on the things I pick up around me!

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